In The Womb of Creation

LET ME OUT!!! Panic, fear, stress, entrapment, DEATH – these are the words that scream out from my airless lungs as I THINK of myself in a dark, small, windowless room.  The air feels heavy and sludgy, making it difficult for my lungs to work at full capacity.  My sweaty body from the adrenaline pumping through my veins, adds to the suffocation created by this small space.

As I grow weak and tired, my body slows down, my mind gives up and my body slumps over. At this point of letting go — of the struggles in my life, of the worry, pain, hurt and anger that defined me up to this point — I take in a breath of air and just surrender.

And as I let go, I am catapulted into another small, dark, confined space.  This time it felt different. I feel a warm, soft, nurturing environment. It feels like I am floating. My breathing feels easy and it feels like all my needs are being taken care of; that I am safe, I am loved and I am free.

As my logical mind tries to make sense of this, I stop for a moment, shifting my awareness to the sounds that I hear… A strong pulse flowing through the fluid that surrounds me; it is not the beating of my heart; it is the beating heart of my mother… STRONG, UNFAULTERED and SOOTHING me at every heartbeat.

My awareness of ‘me’ in the womb expands, and as it does, so am I shown the events of my life that have brought me to this point and to the refuge I sought in the safety of my mother’s womb/  As my consciousness expands, I realised that he ‘DARKNESS’ that was clouding my world, was indeed a place of healing to me and for me.

Just as my growth as a foetus had occurred within a dark, confined space, so too so too did my life events culminate to a point where I ‘needed’ to grow again.  A point where I had outgrown things that did not serve me, but which I held on to for dear life so that I could define myself.  As I searched and prayed for my-self through the daunting darkness, I discovered that within the very darkness lay the healing that was necessary for me to embrace my true self.

Within the ‘womb of creation’ I discovered I could manifest a new reality for Me.  I could also re-define my-Self in accordance with my soul’s blueprint.  As I allowed the wave of darkness wash over me, I was delivered into a world of light, where truth, beauty, growth and healing id our Divine birth-right.  As I released myself from limitations, beliefs, needs and the destructive mental constructs of my mind, my lower-self transformed, and the new structures of my life were built on Love.

In my experience of surrendering and by being blessed by the experience in the womb of creation, I am given a second chance.  In the womb I was set free and born into love, his is what I embrace going forward, this is what I live as my truth – Knowing my-Self as a spark of the Divine.

A Rare Kind of Magic

Today is the day that my beloved was born.  Forty three years ago, he arrived, brown hair, green eyes and perfect in every way.  Every moment from that day was created for his growth and preparation in life.  Life threw numerous trials and tribulations in his way — some which caused the blood from his veins to leave his body, others bringing him to his knees and the heart wrenching lessons that made him doubt, regret and shattered his heart.

This is the rock in my life.  A person who is built with so much greatness that nothing that was thrown his way could defeat him.  He is a man who has principles; a warm, gentle heart; and big hands to help many, but tender enough to make one feel safe.  His greatest gift being the love that he is, and the biggest enemy the mind that he has.

Through sleepless nights and frustrating limitations, his mind took over and created disillusionment.  He gave up and fell down.  But he picked himself up — time after time — defeating all odds, overcoming insurmountable challenges and winning losing battles.

This is my love, a person of strength, a man who has achieved so much greatness in his life, God’s favourite child for he was always guided —by God not only walking with him, but by God carry him through his most trying moments—to fulfil his destiny.  How blessed is he as a child of God.  How truly blessed I am to share my days with him.

Though challenges maybe hard and spirits may appear broken, the beauty of the person shines through the Divine light that they emanate.  And the light from him has been so bright and pure, that in his very presence people have healed their hearts by opening up to him and sharing their pain.  This is the gentleness he lives each day.  This is the love I feel within him.

My heart still flutters and skips a beat as my stomach contains the excitement of a million butterflies in love.  I take a deep long breathe in the warmth of his arms, allowing myself to drift away, knowing I will be safe and loved.  My soul has journeyed to many places in his presence, allowing me to break beyond the boundaries of all limitation.

This is the man I know, this is his truth.  This is the love he is and even though it may not be visible to him at all times, he definitely shares a rare kind of magic with all that cross his path.

Thank you Sharon

I once met a woman, full of anger and hate; extremely high levels of perfectionism; and outright just petty, with a hint of nasty.  No matter what I did there was a fault and sub-standard output according to her.  However, as ironic as it seems, Sharon was a teacher I never learned much from (on the subject she taught).  She was so consumed with over achievement that it drowned the very beauty of what she was teaching.

I sat and watched as she treated those with challenges, with anger instead of love and understanding; I watched her lie so that she could take power away from others.  And I watched as she painted a portrait of her perfect life, which looked to me like a fragmented mirror with a million pieces in a million different places.

But that was Sharon, always together, always perfect and always the best.  Tears streamed down my eyes for my soul was heavily burdened, but what Sharon did was reprimand me.  I watched as she took away the power from those — where each morning presented a waking challenge to them.  I grew angry, at the injustice! I gave up on humanity really questioning if people could be this way? (Because, in my pretty world of pink candyfloss and flying elephants, things like this never happened.  We were always meant to be surrounded by love and caring, let alone my belief of honouring the divine aspect of another person.)

Oh Sharon, what a mess I thought I was in your class when I met you… But now I stand and bow my head and thank you for giving me more than I could have consciously asked for.  My qualifications since completing my course with was a piece of paper with a few comments that one day I might need to use to start a fire or use as a place mat. But the personal achievements in my Life have been mind-blowing.

Not only was my belief about treating others with love, dignity and respect all reinforced.  My personal being was catapulted ten-fold into a place where I acknowledged and trusted myself like never before.  My heart opened and found more love, I cared while I shared and I experienced grace and gratitude.

Through my hurt and anger and grappling with the injustices of the situation, I lost sight of what was true and real in my life.  But through your tough nudges I returned to my path of truth.  I have healed and send healing to you.  I know what love it and pray you know it to, but most of all I knew I was on the wrong path and now follow my life’s purpose.

So THANK YOU Sharon!!! — One of the significant people who helped change my life.  You came in as a conventional teacher and I left seeing you as my spiritual teacher.  I release you and ask that the angels guide you through life in love and with gentleness.

Atishoo, Atishoo, We All Fall Down

In Indian myth, if someone sneezes twice when something is said or thought of prior to the sneeze it is as omen of those things coming true.  Well through numerous sneezes and unfulfilled wishes and desires, I had entered a world where everything crept up on me and I felt despondent.

Everything was too much, who was I, where was I going, am I doing the right things, has God abandoned me?  Too much for my brain to handle… too much toxicity for my lungs to breathe in… and too heavy a burden for my muscles to carry.  So the back bent over, and the pace became slower, then the mind slowed down and…. Wait for it…..

I surrendered.  Into the river of life I flowed, bathing in the light of life, heart singing with joys and resting peacefully at last.  My spirit lifted, my attitude changed and I felt in the flow of things again.  In the story of my life, I forgot the necessity of ‘falling down’.  In the contract of life that we sign before our physical creation, we sign up for joy, we sign up for truth and we sign up play.

It is through the demands that we place on ourselves to conform and be like others, that we step off our path and dishonour our contract.  And as we feel powerful while we walk in others’ shadows and shoes, we forget that we wear-out those ‘soles’ faster than we would,  should we have been treading through life in our own shoes.

It takes courage to walk in one’s own shoes. But it takes responsibility and commitment to carry on.  And while on this path of enlightenment, remember to take time to smell the roses, play with your inner child, and when you sneeze twice again — manifest your reality and if perchance you fall down again, pick up your shoes, put them on, look into the sun, reconnect with your soul and journey forth.